Moist Meter | Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

  • Published: 10 August 2019
  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019 Horror / Mystery / Thriller Movie) starring Zoe Margaret Colletti, Michael Garza and directed by André Øvredal as reviewed by Charlie and Jackson.

    The Moist Meter is an experimental measurement system that you can use to safely gauge just how moist a video game or movie is going to be before playing it or viewing it. Avoid the dry products and only use the wettest.

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Comments • 1 443

  • Hekaku Tensei
    Hekaku Tensei  1 days back

    I just saw this movie and the story was garbage. Charlie you need to step it up fam. Midsommar was better than this train wreck of a story.

    • Realafah
      Realafah  1 days back

      “These books are targeted towards pre-teens to high schoolers.”
      *were distributed in my elementary school library and I read it since I was 7.

      • Quiet Visuals
        Quiet Visuals  2 days back

        It had a stranger things feel at first I thought it would be bad but it was good acting was bad sometimes

        • Anthony Masotti
          Anthony Masotti  2 days back

          I liked it. Bitch fat bitch squeezed a kid into the bod.

          • milk man22
            milk man22  3 days back

            I saw this movie
            and had to come back to see your moist meter that I missed. I couldn't disagree more Charlie. usually I agree with your sentiments but I think this movie was trash. I also don't have the nostalgic attachment to the original scary stories however so that might skew my perception of it. but from my understanding (and i could be wrong, but i think the points i'll make stand regardless), this movie was using some of the original stories but crafted an original "movie plot" around them. and the movie plot was awful. There was really bad "on the nose" dialogue that stuck out like a sore thumb to me. There were some absolutely fucking heinous jump scares with ridiculously loud noises (in theater) that just screamed on for far too long. I felt like the only way this movie could even get a reaction out of me was by just throwing a screaming face in front of the camera for 3-5 seconds until i sort of winced at the sheer volume being applied. It was like every 30 minutes the movie just had to say "HEY FUCKER ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? BOO!" and then it went back to being boring. The suspense really didn't build for me at all. the plot was super predictable and the characters were very unlikable. The characters immediately started speaking in melodramatic ways that I don't think any 15-16 year old kids would speak in. I'll give Stella a pass since she was suppose to be a writer in the story so you can expect her to be a bit dramatic/ have a strong vocabulary.

            Another thing I really didnt understand was the seemingly pointless injection of nixon and the vietnam war draft. For completely no reason, they just showed nixon on a TV set like 6 different times during the movie as if to say (at best), "Hey this movie takes place in the 1960s. I know you cant really tell because our dialogue is very modern sounding" or (at worst) to push some sort of political agenda. It just seemed completely unnecessary to me. The cheesy ending was to be expected since its a PG-13 horror movie but no less lame. And lastly, it was pretty jaw-dropping to me that they would set this bombshell up for a sequel. If a second movie comes out in 1-2 years time i will be genuinely shocked.

            Overall shit movie in my opinion. Honestly shocked at the 80%. but I respect that you liked it. Just wanted to give my two cents. Stay moist baby <3

            • sad potato
              sad potato  3 days back

              I'm 19, I remember reading and getting scared by those books.
              I loved the film even though it was for a younger audience and I'm glad someone besides me remembers them.. I thought for sure that first death was gruesome but deserved. Had a happy enough ending that implied maybe another movie.

              • White Manta
                White Manta  3 days back

                I'm 19 and I didn't enjoy it that much.

                • Julian Jenkins
                  Julian Jenkins  4 days back

                  “There’s no bad words” He forgets that they say w__back multiple times

                  • OtterGod
                    OtterGod  5 days back

                    I would always see this book at the bookfair, but I could never bring myself to read it, just the cover art fucking terrified me. Now though, yea it's definitely succeeds at being scary, but it's not soul striking and utterly terrifying like it was when I was a kid, and again, I only ever looked at the cover art and such.

                    • bill muszynski
                      bill muszynski  6 days back

                      Review good boys

                      • Honey Bee Talks
                        Honey Bee Talks  6 days back

                        I love how you subvert common phrases with profanity omfg

                        • Boi Blue
                          Boi Blue  7 days back

                          Wow this is the hardest I’ve disagreed with you. I thought this movie sucked really fuckin sucked not even good for kids. My friends and I were laughing at how bad it was. “We’re not reading the book, the book is reading us” was the gayest line I’ve ever heard

                          • Gaunter O'Dimm
                            Gaunter O'Dimm  1 weeks back

                            I somehow stumbled into watching A Serbian Film and I've never been same since that cursed day...Not to mention that I legit don't have the balls to consume anything horror related other than some classic books.

                            • Dominic
                              Dominic  1 weeks back

                              The one illustration that fucked me up as a kid was The Bride that shit gave me nightmares

                              • Robert Young
                                Robert Young  1 weeks back

                                Charlie - “There is no blood”

                                Movie - * the whole diary is written in blood *

                                • Hamsterboi 702
                                  Hamsterboi 702  1 weeks back

                                  I just saw this movie with me and my bf and were 16 and it scared the shit out of me and him, sence i grow up with the books it really hit hard for me.

                                  • shimmysham123
                                    shimmysham123  1 weeks back

                                    This movie was honest to god, dog shit

                                    • Out Above
                                      Out Above  1 weeks back

                                      I thought it was good until it went full sequel bait at the end. Plus I think some dialogue was bad. If it had a formal conclusion. I would've given it a 7 or even an 8. I thinking a 6 for me (which to me means slightly above average)

                                      • Super Derpy Doge
                                        Super Derpy Doge  1 weeks back

                                        This movie was a shitty IT

                                        • Jar Of Jelli
                                          Jar Of Jelli  1 weeks back

                                          Okay but Me-Tie-Doughty-Walker was one of my favourite stories and the fact that that was the only one that they BARELY kept accurate made me honestly pissed. I know that makes me one of the people that’s like “ITS DIFFERENT THEREFORE ITS BAD” but I was still upset ;-;

                                          • Hevy
                                            Hevy  1 weeks back

                                            “There’s no bad words” Dude they drop “shit” and “douchebag” all the time in that movie what are you talking about??

                                            • Deku !
                                              Deku !  1 weeks back

                                              I agree with the accidental horrific shit point.
                                              I watched boku no picu when i was ten because my dumbass thought it was an anime

                                              • SoupPacket
                                                SoupPacket  2 weeks back

                                                Not gonna lie I saw this today and the Harold scene literally made me sick

                                                • Pachinko
                                                  Pachinko  2 weeks back

                                                  oh man that book was scary

                                                  • Freelance Autist
                                                    Freelance Autist  2 weeks back

                                                    I was actually impressed with how faithful the monster design was to some of the illustration in the books. As well as some of the passing references to other small stories from the books that didn't get full on monsters/scenes like Harold.

                                                    • Incognito
                                                      Incognito  2 weeks back

                                                      The chapter with the fucking sausage guy gave fifth grade me nightmares for a week

                                                      • apcsox
                                                        apcsox  2 weeks back

                                                        As a 33 year old who grew up reading these books and had nightmares from them, I of course was apprehensive to see this. What we have is an adaptation that uses some of the stories but tied them into a narrative that combined the otherwise unrelated stories. It was well done. Yes, some of them CGI was wonky, but they also did a good job with the practical effects and the overall atmosphere. The key thing that I disliked was the rating. I mean, the people who really wanted to watch this are all adults now since we grew up with this book series. This movie they had to reel back to a PG13 to be able to introduce younger people to it, you know, for us to introduce our kids to the shit we read in our childhood. I wish, wish, they tailored this to an R rating, because then our childhood nightmares could actually come to fruition on screen.

                                                        • Dino Dino
                                                          Dino Dino  2 weeks back

                                                          There is no bad words...

                                                          “SHIT MY BANANA”

                                                          • Peacockkaè
                                                            Peacockkaè  2 weeks back

                                                            I mean they emphasized the fact Tommy and the cop said “Shit” loud and clear soooo. I mean it’s not a fuck but still

                                                            • Riqqed x Aqart
                                                              Riqqed x Aqart  2 weeks back

                                                              the dead old lady with the nickels over her eyes

                                                              • EndermanPierce Or Void Soul

                                                                I swear to god pale lady was fucking terrifying for me

                                                                • sabitsuki
                                                                  sabitsuki  2 weeks back

                                                                  you don't readthe book the bookreadsyou

                                                                  • Chan Schriver
                                                                    Chan Schriver  2 weeks back

                                                                    I'm so happy to hear that it's not a complete shit-fest like I expected

                                                                    • Tooth Pasta
                                                                      Tooth Pasta  2 weeks back

                                                                      I personally felt as if the movie was slightly above mediocre. The monsters themselves were pretty creepy but the last cgi one was meh. I felt like August was pretty underdeveloped so his death wasn't very effective. It didn't seem like the other characters cared much either with just one scene of them crying and it's like they moved on pretty quickly. Also I noticed a mistake during the movie I think. They mentioned that the book wrote itself at night but it started writing itself during the day. Like there was sunlight beaming through the shuttered window the exact time the book was writing! Nothing big just felt like it was a detail pretty easy to fix. The scene directly after that one was where that girl had a pimple and spider's came out of it. She didn't die from it, which I found really surprising. I thought Sarah's goal was to kill everyone but that one chick just went to an asylum? I felt like there was going to be an explanation but there wasn't. Maybe there was a part of the story or detail I didn't notice but yeah just something I personally felt was kind of weird. A nitpick, but I didn't really like how they showed Sarah's face? I thought they had a good thing going by not showing it and it left a sense of mystery. But when the movie revealed how she looked like I wasn't shocked or surprised. It didn't complete the story in any way I just felt as if it was kind of underwhelming. Also, some of the kids heard the stories when they were younger and others didn't? Idk but I felt like that was kind of strange and I wasn't sure if the movie was trying to go for a theme and failed or what. Not a big deal just thought it was kind of confusing. And lastly the writing of the story was pretty strange. I don't know how teenagers talked back then, but as a teenager myself I felt as if the way the characters spoke was sort of cringy. Like in one of the scenes a character referred to his penis as his banana and his sister called him a butt pimple? I didn't understand why the insults in the movie were so weird since it's something I never heard from anyone before. My friend was watching the movie with me and we both agreed it was a weird choice of dialogue. But other than that the movie itself was mostly just kind of.. Charming? It was alright honestly I had fun watching it but that was just kind of my unwanted opinion on it

                                                                      • A Filthy Nobleman
                                                                        A Filthy Nobleman  2 weeks back

                                                                        this reminds me of grizzly tales for gruesome kids

                                                                        • Boolos Boi
                                                                          Boolos Boi  2 weeks back

                                                                          Every kid feelin' like a Fortnite legend until the "Fago" gets called put from the wind...

                                                                          • BonsBuns
                                                                            BonsBuns  2 weeks back

                                                                            “No bad words” yea they did cuss a lot though tbh especially at the beginning

                                                                            • The Supreme Thunder Dragon

                                                                              Hm, 80% huh. And I like me some horror. Why not, I’ll go see it tomorrow. :D

                                                                              • Zach Stefanakis
                                                                                Zach Stefanakis  2 weeks back

                                                                                Sorry Charlie but you look like a 26 year-old

                                                                                • MyBestInterest
                                                                                  MyBestInterest  2 weeks back

                                                                                  I honestly felt like the child actors weren't that great here, and I know most child actors aren't great, but you look at recent movies like It and see that it is possible. Plus I hate forced romances, it was clear they were pushing for it, but not only did the actors not really have a great chemistry, the implications made me uncomfortable. The female girl in this movie appears to be around age 15, but the love interest is a draft dodger, implying he's already graduated high school. Are we just gonna let that one slide?

                                                                                  • Hitlers missing testicle

                                                                                    No charlie fuck off you little cuck this movie is gay bro. Wtf are you talking about.

                                                                                    • Hitlers missing testicle

                                                                                      This movie is sucks

                                                                                      • dook
                                                                                        dook  2 weeks back

                                                                                        That was the most terrifying pg 13 movie I’ve ever seen

                                                                                        • Purple Cow
                                                                                          Purple Cow  2 weeks back

                                                                                          Review "The Man Who Killed Hitler Then Bigfoot" on moist meter

                                                                                          • Matt Woodward
                                                                                            Matt Woodward  2 weeks back

                                                                                            So are you like... a philion clone? You might have more subs but he does this act way better than you.

                                                                                            • Danny Herrera
                                                                                              Danny Herrera  2 weeks back

                                                                                              I would imagine it would be fun to watch a movie with u

                                                                                              • Logan Hitch
                                                                                                Logan Hitch  2 weeks back

                                                                                                Movie fucking sucks, fucking shill

                                                                                                • Theatre squad 2003
                                                                                                  Theatre squad 2003  2 weeks back

                                                                                                  I just saw it today!!
                                                                                                  Man, I was so hyped to see it and it didn’t fail to live up to that hype.
                                                                                                  It was just a fun ghost story. Even my dad loves it!!